I don’t really know what to write. I feel so distant from everything this week. My walk with God, with my family, even tho we are together, from everything. I just feel alone and unseen or unacknowledged. I know this isn’t true. Satan has this way of coming in and lying and twisting things so far from the truth. Making us feel less than or left behind. ALL LIES! In Hebrews 13:5 He tells us he will never leave us or forsake us. I know this is true but I feel like in almost everything in life there is an ebb and flow. I know he isn’t far but sometimes I think he stands back and lets us come to him. I know if I call on him he will come but sometimes I think he is a silent God. Letting us learn to come to him and come to him first. Which is hard sometimes I have to admit. I like someone to be a sounding board for my ideas and give me feedback and in all honesty God doesn’t always or even not often just bounce ideas back and forth with you. Does he give answers yes. Is it the answer I want…not always. Is it the answer I need, ALWAYS. I also believe that he has a destination for us but sometimes we can choose the path to get there. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. When I set out on that path I knew what I thought I wanted, but let me tell you. Writing a christian blog wasn’t what I had thought I would be doing. Now, am I working on a novel? Yes, a few actually. However, I have never felt that I would be the one giving advice or leading people to Christ through my writings. Never felt worthy of that but you know what…lies. Lies that Satan has told me or lies I have told myself. Have I walked a perfect path in life and with Christ? Absolutely not. Am I still loved by God? Absolutely. I do love my blog though. I love that it makes me do some research and chatting with God so I know what to write. I never want to just put some randomness down (even though that is my brain half the time) and not have a clear path. Sometimes what I start out thinking I am writing is a whole different path than I end up with but that is okay. If I also try to wrap it all up to make sense. When I felt the pull to write I had a clear vision in my mind but God chose to have me go a different route. He knew what I needed long before I did. I also like revamping furniture. I like seeing what it was created to be and change it up to something else. I like being creative like that. These things help me be able to work for myself. Which was my goal. To be at all the things I could for the kids and work when I feel like it. Creativity is such a weird thing. Sometimes I need it to click in and it doesn’t or sometimes when I am at a game or at a concert I have to quickly scribble some notes down to remember for later. Mainly book ideas or when conversations between characters. I get my inspiration for books from things around me a lot. I have to write it down or I will forget it. Sometimes it’s the very thing to pull me out of a writing slump. I am so thankful that I have been blessed with the gift of creativity. It gives me many options of a path to take. When I thought about being home full time years ago this wasn’t the path or paths I thought I would take but I love them. This is what I mean though. When God shows you the destination he wants you to know there can be smaller paths that you get to decide on to get you where you will end up. He gave us free will for a reason. He doesn’t want us unhappy he wants us to put our trust in him and know that God has our best interest in the end. I hope you all have a great week!
~Becca
Wandering Purposefully 